Tuesday, May 7, 2019

Every May

I just completed my last assignment of my undergraduate career. I did think this would feel different.

I have spent the last 8 1/2 years of my life going to school, not knowing what I'm going to school for, going part time, picking different majors, dealing with life hurdles, moving, being a mom, and whatever else happens in your early 20's.

When I finally decided what I was passionate about learning, I buckled down. I went to school full-time, I didn't take breaks in the summers, and was fully committed to finishing with my best effort. I even made the Dean's list and got on a few honor's societies (which was so not like me to do). I got up early, while it was dark outside, so I could get in studying time before my little girl woke up. I have been in the middle of timed exams when she's woken up crying, or needed me for things. I've played with Barbie's while also reading textbooks. This school thing has been a journey for me. And it's still not over. I start graduate school Monday (I told you I wasn't taking summer breaks).

Every May I would see people I know graduate; people younger than me, people getting higher degrees, basically leaving me feeling anxious and excited to hurry up and finish. For as long as I can remember I've always wanted to grow up. I wanted to hurry up and get my driver's license, move out, buy a house, etc. I finally have grown up, however; I don't feel what I was expecting to feel. Graduating isn't someone finally waving that magic wand over your life and giving you a huge salary, a dream job or a perfect schedule. Maybe for some it was. I suppose what I've learned is that school, accomplishments and goals are great, but they are not the reason we live. We live to tell others about Jesus.

For me, today, I am practicing enjoying the fact that I overcame so much to finish school. No one will quite understand how big this is to me. One day, when Emma grows up, she will get to see how I did this for her; to encourage her, be an example, and to provide better opportunities for her own future (because today when I told her I finished, she just smiled and handed me some Silly Putty). I am so thankful for her little smile being my motivator, my sweet husband encouraging me to keep going, and my parents for being supportive the entire 8 1/2 years, no matter what I was doing. By the grace of God was I strong enough to keep going.

I finished undergrad!

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